Matters of the heart: I was stupid, yes I know, but He will pay for using me…

My heart is so heavy as I narrate this tale. I feel terrible, I can feel my heart ripping apart, literally! The pain is excruciating and I just wish for death! This isn’t just a matter of the heart, it is a matter of the body and soul too…
How do I begin to narrate this journey that took so much from me and gave me nothing in return-well, almost nothing!
Teniola has wounded me greatly, he cheated me, he insulted me, he humiliated me and he used me! I was such a fool to have believed him and trusted him and loved him.

My name is Ireti Owolabi.
Teniola and I met via a social network around April 2011…the sparks didn’t fly immediately, we were friends. Within months however, I knew I was in love with him. I didn’t hide it, I couldn’t, I showed him even though I didn’t really tell him.
Surprisingly, he told me first.
“Ireti, I think I’m in love with you” I smiled a jubilant smile but didn’t say anything that night… We said nothing more about it for two months but things changed. I felt loved and I showed love. We didn’t have to say it anymore, but we said it anyway…
“I love you Ireti, do you love me?”
“I do”
“How long have you loved me?”
“That’s my secret” I smiled happily at him.
“Ireti I want to marry you. Legally. With all the trimmings and trains and all… I want to be with you everyday of my life till the end. I wish we could right away but somehow, we have to wait.” I was listening to him and my heart beat had escalated. My hands were shaking in my laps where I kept them. I couldn’t believe Teni was saying those things to me.
“Do you mind if we wait for two years?” He asked me solemnly and I looked at him with my heart in my eyes… I couldn’t hide what I felt, (Oh God) I just couldn’t.
“I don’t care how long, in as much as I get to be with you in the end.” He loved my response and he beamed.

I relaxed. I was twenty five. No more searching, I would marry Teniola in two years, I’d be twenty seven and that was fine by me. I rejected all advances, loved Teni with my heart and soul and body. I didn’t care that no ring sealed our agreement, maybe I should have cared.

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I was twenty six when Teniola jilted me.
Just plainly jilted me.
I caught him red-handed in a lie. He cheated me and lied about it.
I came out plainly and told him I knew about his lies, knew the girl in question…naturally, he denied it. I left him.
Although I left him, my heart bled everyday and called out to him. I stalked him heavily and knew he was going steady with the girl.

Now, I am not blowing my own trumpet and I am not being vain but I can boldly say that I am one of the best people God created! I am so sure Teni didn’t cheat because I am bad but because he is a cheat!
I cried every time I saw them together.

Yet, Teni kept saying to me that He loved me, He couldn’t get me off his mind, He wasn’t in love with the other girl, He wanted to marry ME!
For a year, we played hide and seek. I didn’t stop loving him, so it was difficult to start a new relationship.
When I made up my mind to move on, I informed Teniola and he took it badly.
“Ireti please, don’t” He pleaded
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t leave me. I love you and you know” My heart leaped as he said the words, but I didn’t trust him to be faithful and I had met someone I could trust and learn to love.
“Teniola. You’re confused. You don’t know what you want. I know what I want and it isn’t someone I can’t trust” I said
“Ireti, you can trust me. Please”
“I can’t”
“Let’s get married”
“I mean it”
“Right away”
I knew He wasn’t ready and He was under duress…Two years had elapsed, I was twenty seven going on twenty eight.
“Ireti please don’t leave me, just give me time to sort things out and we’ll get married”
Teni’s pleas got to me and I decided to wait.
I declined the proposal I had and started afresh with Teni after a break of fourteen months!
Teni told me he wasn’t seeing the other girl anymore, although I didn’t believe that, I believed that he loved me.
We planned to settle by the end of 2015, however, on Dec 26, 2015, I decided to take a walk and I strolled into the other girl’s wall on Facebook… She had just uploaded some pictures and they were pictures of Teni giving her a ring on Xmas day!
I was as shocked as you are.
Teni saw me on Xmas day, he even came bearing gifts and few hours later, he was giving out a ring with a shiny stone…

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Did I do something worth that kind of punishment?
Why did he not just let me go when I wanted to?
Why did he call me back after a year of separation?

Teni doesn’t know that I know. We haven’t seen each other, and as I write now, it’s been a week. I haven’t cried, my grief is heavier than tears. Teni knew he wanted to marry a girl who had rich parents yet he delayed me with lies… I could have settled down happily with someone else but he stopped me! I saved the pictures on my phone but I still don’t know what to do.

I am planning on a big revenge.
I would be 29 in a few months, ‘partner-less’ thanks to Teniola.
Now I am stranded.
I do not mean to blow my own trumpet but I know I am one of the best people God created. I am jovial, friendly and very generous and loving. I don’t know why Teni did what he did.

Teni has betrayed and cheated me and it is too much for me to bear.
How do I bear this big hurt from this heartless heart?
How do I sit and watch him marry this girl after wasting my time and using me?
How do I cope now when he returns with his lies?
Presently, I’m feeling nothing but hate for him and I just wish something very ugly would happen to him or the girl.
Would anyone feel differently in my shoes?
I’m 29 and Teni has four of those years. I want my revenge but I am willing to listen to objective advice.
I’m so hurt and confused and I’m waiting to hear from you.


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