I knew when it started, and I knew I was stuck. My heart is not just in pieces, my brain, mind, and head didn’t survive the blow. Right now, I am on the edge of loosing sanity too.
My story is quite unlike the regular ones, although I am also in a fixed situation and I really need all the advice I can get. I met Idris 3 years ago at a Friend’s wedding, one thing led to another, we became an item. The cupid that struck us did so two minutes after our eyes met, although he used to argue that it was five minutes.
However long it took, our relationship was like lightning, fast, sudden and scary in its beauty. Idris was a secondary school teacher, a very beautiful man too. I loved him as much as he loved me and our toughest arguments came when we fought over who loved more.
Forgive my tenses but Idris died instantly in a ghastly car accident three months ago and I am still mourning my beloved. Before his death, plans had started for our wedding. I would gladly give a full detail of our engagement and his proposal…which was not just romantic but totally hilarious, however, thinking of it today only brings tears to my eyes.
Idris’s parents have been very good to me since his death, we have found solace in comforting each other. He was their only child and he was 31 when he died. Their grief is indeed stronger than mine which is understandable.
During his burial, two days after he died, his mom came to me. I was weeping silently thinking of Idris and our times together, I looked up and saw her looking at me with a fixated and funny kind of look, sorrow and pain were etched on her features…I went to her and without a word, held her in a firm embrace, then she whispered to me.
“This pain would be easier to bear if Idris left me a child” I tensed in her arms and looked at her face for clarification.
Her gaze almost tore my little black dress as she said: “ Anu, I wish you were pregnant, it would make this pain go.” I didn’t know what to say so I just managed a crooked smile and shook my head.
She didn’t stop. “You could be you know, who knows what God had done before Idris left us…”
“No mama, I’m not pregnant,” I said feeling sorry for her.
She stopped but not before begging me on her knees to inform her if I found out I was indeed pregnant. She even asked for confirmation that our relationship was sexual… She pleaded with me to save her by keeping the pregnancy if I found out I was… She had planted the fear in me and so with bated breath and pads ready, I waited for my period, which failed to show up.
It’s been twelve weeks and Idris’ mom will not stop pestering me…I told her I wasn’t pregnant and she wept so heartrendingly that I felt guilty.
I want to abort this pregnancy. I have thought about it so much and I think that’s my best option. It would kill Idris’ mom if she hears of it, but I’m scared, I don’t want to be a single mom. Idris would have been thrilled.
I am 27, my only parent is my mom and she is still unaware. I am confused and scared. The few people I told think Single parenthood is scary… Dear Readers, what should I do? Go to Idris’ parents and inform them?
Have the baby and wait till another man comes?
Or have an abortion and move on with my life… I loved Idris and this wouldn’t be a topic if he weren’t dead.
I am at crossroads, what would you do in my shoes?